Ways to Mess with Car

Here is the theory on how to mess with somebody's car a little.

Suppose there's this local jackass remotely starting a noisy muscle car with a huge fart can exhaust under your window and letting it run for hours or speeding along the quiet back yard roads scaring off little kids and old grannies and even threatening to run them over?

So what do you do if you want to send an anonymous message, nothing too heavy or criminal?

The option that you have is to mess with the car from hell a little. Not enough to cause heavy damage or, God forbid, cause an accident or something, yet enough to be annoying and preferably costly to fix or maybe even rendering the car inoperable for, like, ever.

Let's indulge our fantasies and look at ways to take law(lessness) in own hands vigilante style and mess with the offender's car.

A search of the internet yields many suggestions, some pretty weird and outright criminal, but the following seem to be the most realistic. 

So, whilst not condoning this type of behavior, here goes.

Car areas to target: exhaust (tailpipe), air vents or air intakes, tires, paintwork, windshield and/or head- or taillights, keyhole.

Tailpipe

Stick a potato in the tailpipe, a couple of stones, use a can of insulation foam to block the tailpipe, etc.

This is an old one and it's been suggested the car will eventually stall and/or  fail to run at all. 

But maybe it is an urban myth and nothing will happen.

Also you will have to do it by manipulating with the tailpipe at the risk of being noticed and identified by somebody especially in this day and age of cellphones with cameras. There goes your anonymity.  

Air Vents or Air Intakes

Use the air vents on the hood (if any) or the air intakes at the bottom of windshield to do any of the following: pour milk, urinate in the air intakes, stuff them with small caned fish, etc. Be creative. The result is supposed to be a horrible stench especially in hot temperatures as the stuff begins to rot or (in the case of urine) emanate a huge stink, difficult to clean or get rid off.

The downside is these manipulations are quite obvious and again expose you to risk of being noticed, identified or even caught doing it. 

(Milk can also be poured into the car through the door or trunk lid gaps).

Tires

This is pretty obvious but still effective.

For a milder impact, let the air out of a tire; for more serious consequences, be unafraid to puncture or slash the tires which will be expensive to fix (if at all possible) or to replace. It can be done more or less discreetly by using a surgeon's scalpel or a pricker or something. Important to do it good so the tire is clearly deflated and seen on approach as such so the target doesn't drive away only for the tire to pop at speed with unintended and possibly severe consequences. We don't want that to happen, do we?

Windshield

Brick, spark plug, stone through the windshield - expensive to repair or replace but noisy too, and it will probably set off the car alarm for good measure. To the same category belongs hammer to the head- and/or taillights.

As a more discreet variant I suppose you could use a BB pistol preferably with a silencer to put a few pellets at and/or through the windshield while quietly walking by.

Keyhole

Superglue keyhole. However most cars today have key fob operated central locks so it will probably do nothing.

Paintwork

But the best way still appears to be the humble keying either using a bunch of actual keys or any sharp implement like an old or even new nail. And it also can be done and is frequently done quickly and discretely while walking by as if brushing against the car and better at dusk or night. 

Beware though of car dashcams which have been known to be left in operating mode (for just this kind of emergencies?). For this reason avoid operating in front of the car.

Legal way
The legal way would be to catch the car violating some rules or committing a crime or an offense, like, say, being criminally improperly parked blocking some passage or denying the use of a facility, etc., photograph or video it making sure you get the front and back license plates and then send the stuff to a police department dealing with appropriate violations.
The downside is not all countries have police units dealing with such complaints by citizens, even fewer allow them to do it anonymously, and even where there are such units they will probably do nothing anyway. So it's not recommended for this reason. 

 

ETA:

 

Further ideas from Anarchist's Cookbook, some of these more childish than the others.